


i want this time to stop (so i can see u now)

by punctualpizza



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: College AU, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, I Tried, I'll stop with the tags now, Jealousy, Kind of angsty, M/M, STREAM JEALOUSY BITCHES, also, because we all know he's fluffy, begins with sex, caring hyunwoo, does anybody really see my tags, emo hyungwon, ended with sex, enjoy, he still wont be a dick, i feel like as much as i make shownu a dick, i write abt sex too much, i'm a virgin btw, in this story only, it's not an important death, jealous and possessive hyunwoo, okay and hoseok's a dick, okay nvm, shownu really likes hyungwon, thanks Tiny from twitter lmao, there is anal sex, there's a death but like, they are not idols here, tmi sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 20:48:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14386827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punctualpizza/pseuds/punctualpizza
Summary: in which Hyunwoo helps Hyungwon get over his ex and it kind of becomes a regular thing. It’s totally casual -- but what happens to Hyunwoo when Hoseok reappears in Hyungwon’s life?





	i want this time to stop (so i can see u now)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fairyyy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairyyy/gifts).



> so, received a request from a mutual of mine (TINY, HELLO) on twitter, and she asked for something that i couldn't really write, so i wrote this instead. hope u enjoy!!!! let me kno what u think ok also sorry!!! i'm shit at titles (in which this one is from the english lyrics of in time SIKE BITHC) and summaries and writing in general really so,,, apologies beforehand

The dip in the bed lifts as Hyungwon gets up to retrieve his clothes from the floor. In the dimness of his bedside lamp, Hyunwoo watches the golden arch of his back as he bends over, watches the fabric of his jeans stretch over his lanky legs as he pulls them on. He rolls over onto his stomach and plants his face into the pillow, still coming down from the amazing high they just reached.

He can hear Hyungwon’s uneven breath, a residual panting from their frantic movements, followed by the muffled jingling of keys in a pocket. He turns over again to catch Hyunwoo’s eye just as he opens the bedroom door to leave.

“Thanks for that,” says Hyungwon. “I’ll see you around, maybe come begging for more or something.”

Hyunwoo laid there, mouth slightly open. “Uh, sure.” He replies.

Hyungwon stifles a giggle, winks and leaves the room. Hyunwoo found himself drifting off to sleep, knowing that Hyungwon knows his way out, as usual.

 

* * *

 

The morning air is icy as Hyunwoo tugs his beanie down on the way to class the next day. His head, along with his eyelids, feels a little heavy and his muscles are a little sore probably from yesterday’s gym session and late night ‘exercise’, so he stops by one of the campus cafes to pick up a coffee.

He strolls into his lecture just as the lights go down and the projector is turned on. Spotting Kihyun and Minhyuk, he shuffles past a couple of students and takes a seat next to Minhyuk.

"Hey," he whispers. He leans forward and nods at Kihyun.

"Hi, hyung," Minhyuk says, with a smile that’s way too perky for an 8 o’clock class in the morning.

"Where did you go last night? Didn’t see you when we left,” Kihyun asks around Minhyuk.

“Oh, uh, hung out with Hyungwon. We left a little early,” he says as he shuffles around to get his notebook. He and Hyungwon had ducked out the party—which was actually really boring—at 10.30 and drunkenly skipped the way back to Hyunwoo’s rented room before stumbling in and getting it on right there on the couch and a second round on his bed.

Kihyun and Minhyuk raise their eyebrows at each other. Kihyun asks, “Hyungwon? As in, the Hyungwon from Jooheon’s party?”

“Uh, yeah.” Hyunwoo bites his lip. He knows where this is coming from.

“The one from Changkyun’s 21st birthday party?” Minhyuk asks.

“Yup.”

“And from that one time at Hanbin’s?”

“Yes, Minhyuk.”

“The one from that place next to the cyber café?”

“Uh-huh.”

“And when we were at-“

"Oh my god, yes," Hyunwoo rolls his eyes. "The very same Hyungwon. What's your point?"

Minhyuk looks at Kihyun, who shrugs, "Nothing." And with a shit-eating grin on his face he turns forward to take notes. Kihyun smirks and follows suit.

Hyunwoo narrows his eyes at them and attempts to concentrate on the lecturer.

A few minutes later Minhyuk tilts his head closer to Hyunwoo and asks, "So, are the two of you like a thing?" Yep, there it is. This isn’t the first time they’ve tried to interrogate him about this kind of thing. The same question, over and over again. Not surprised anymore.

Hyunwoo lets out a deep sigh, "No, we are not."

"Well why not?" Kihyun joins in.

"Because we're just not? He was lonely and I was there and I helped him take his mind off shit and I guess we liked it enough to do it more than once. That’s all, okay? We just do it from time to time. It works for the both of us. Does that answer your question?"

They both look a little taken aback by the directness of Hyunwoo’s answer, but they seem satisfied enough. Hyunwoo was direct all the time anyways.

"Uh, yeah, sure hyung. Don’t have to get all sensitive." Minhyuk mutters.

They all go back to focusing on the slides.

Not even 5 minutes later, Kihyun is poking Hyunwoo’s shoulder over Minhyuk and giving him a couple of cheeky eyebrow raises and a wink, "So... he’s got to be a good one, right? I mean, if the both of you keep coming back for more.”

Minhyuk tries and fails to hold in the laughter that bursts from his mouth.

Hyunwoo ignores them both for the rest of the day.

 

* * *

 

When Hyunwoo saw Hyungwon at Jooheon’s party 2 months ago, he couldn’t just let him go.

Hyunwoo was leaning against the wall watching people around the room drinking, laughing and being generally celebratory since it was the end of the exam period. He saw a boy surrounded by a group of friends, but he was the only one who wasn’t talking and laughing. He looked exhausted, a dead expression in his eyes, barely paying attention to the conversation. Hyunwoo recognized him from around campus, but they’d never met or spoke. He almost never saw him without a buff, hipster-looking guy who Hyunwoo had assumed to be his boyfriend.

But he wasn’t here tonight.

However, despite the sadness in his face and the occasional smile that never met his eyes, Hyunwoo was still overwhelmed by how beautiful he was. His eyes were drawn to him and he couldn’t look away. His features were delicate, with just a hint of roughness, his hair styled in a messy fringe and he wore a grey oversized t-shirt that should have been illegal. Checking him out for a good look, his eyes travelled back up only to be met with another pair staring right back at him.

Hyunwoo’s stomach flipped for a brief second. He was breath-taking.

They maintained eye contact for a good three seconds before the boy walked off from the group and walked in the direction of the bar. Hyunwoo never did this, he was never chasing after someone else because he didn’t see any particular reason why, but tonight… he had to. That was Hyunwoo’s cue to go, and off he went.

When he walked in he was disappointed to see that someone had already beaten him to it. The pretty boy was leaning against the counter slightly uncomfortable, a weird-looking guy in front of him, way too close for his liking. He was clearly trying to chat him up. It was just the three of them in the kitchen. Pretending like he had something to do, Hyunwoo went to the fridge and knelt to dig around for a beer, while listening to them mid-conversation.

“So, how do you know Jooheon?” the weird guy asked.

“Listen, as I said, I’m just trying to get a drink here. I appreciate that you’ve come to talk to me and all, but I'm really not interested.” This voice was light yet husky. It could only belong to the beautiful boy.

“Aww come on, you’re too pretty to be left alone tonight. Hang out with me, huh?”

“You got it wrong. Sorry, but I don’t swing that way. Just telling you nicely now that this is not going to happen.”

At this Hyunwoo stood up straight and turned around to see the other guy huff and walk out of the room. Hyunwoo let out an amused snort.

The boy’s head snapped to him and his eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”

Hyunwoo laughed, “Sorry. Didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but that was actually good entertainment. Amazing, really. And he actually bought it.”

The other boy lifted an eyebrow and folded his arms, “And you don’t?”

“Please,” said Hyunwoo, opening the beer he found, “If you can't already tell, walking around campus all day with your boyfriend and kissing him everywhere you go doesn’t exactly scream ‘straight’ to me.”

Suddenly the pretty boy’s demeanour changed. He looked down and bit his lip. It made him look very vulnerable. “Oh. Yeah, well. That, uh that ended anyways. So.”

Hyunwoo tensed. “Oh. Shit. Sorry. I, uh, I didn’t know.”

The other boy shook his head. “It’s cool. I promised myself I wouldn’t think about it when I came here tonight. My friends made me leave my house. You know, to try be myself again, or whatever.”

Hyunwoo nodded in understanding. “Ok, we can forget I brought it up, then? I’m Hyunwoo.”

The boy looked up again and met his eyes. “Hyungwon.”

“Hyungwon. Cool. Let’s talk about something else then.”

“Yeah. Sure.” Hyungwon’s posture relaxed a bit. “So, what about you, Hyunwoo? Any significant other?”

“No boyfriend, nope.” said Hyunwoo, quirking an eyebrow in a knowing way, noticing Hyungwon’s half smile grow—he knew he just answered the question he wasn’t asking aloud. “Not really looking though, to be honest.”

Hyungwon looked thoughtful, “Hm. So, just flings then?” He leaned on the island counter with his chin in his hand, focusing on Hyunwoo with a studious gaze.

Hyunwoo grinned. It was only a matter of time now. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

There were a few moments of silent eye contact and Hyungwon just tapping his fingers on his cheek thoughtfully, before Hyunwoo tipped his head back to take a big, long gulp of his beer. He could feel the strong buzz of the drinks he’d had earlier as well as Hyungwon’s eyes on him. He couldn’t help but feel a little smug. This pretty boy was looking at him.

And him only.

When he lowered his head again Hyungwon was standing right in front of him. He took the beer from Hyunwoo’s hand and took a large swig for himself. Their hands touched and burned.

“So, when would you say was the last time you went on flings?” asked Hyungwon, voice low. He got closer and closer, maintaining eye contact.

Up close his skin was soft, and white as snow. He licked his lips as his eyes shifted back and forth from Hyunwoo’s eyes to his lips. It made Hyunwoo gulp a bit, but he snapped out of it quickly and stepped forward, pressing Hyungwon back against the island.

“I think it’s been quite a while,” he whispered. His arms bracketed Hyungwon easily, and their heights were perfectly in sync, like they were made for each other. They were both a little tipsy and he could smell it in the air they were exchanging. They were so fucking close and he was so turned on. Hyungwon decided to be bold and press his thick thigh between Hyungwon’s legs, delighted to find he was just as aroused as he was.

Suddenly Hyungwon ducked out from Hyunwoo’s arms and grabbed one of his hands. He led them out the kitchen and down the passage, opening door after door. Thankfully the third room they tried was empty. Hyungwon dragged him inside and pinned Hyunwoo against the back of the door, shutting it surely.

He pierced Hyunwoo’s eyes with his own and reached down to palm him through his jeans. “No kissing.”

Hyunwoo frowned but nodded nonetheless. He had a hand on his cock and he just needed to wreck this gorgeous boy in front of him. Now. He waited for Hyungwon to make the first move before he gave in to desire though, an expectant smirk on his face. He enjoyed the suspense of it all.

Hyungwon reached behind Hyunwoo into his back pocket, grinning when he found what he was looking for.

“Somebody was expecting.”

Hyunwoo shrugged, “Didn’t expect someone gorgeous like you, though.”

“What’s with the flattery?” Hyungwon rolled his eyes before throwing the condom and sachet of lube onto the bed and tugging Hyunwoo’s shirt upward.

And that was Hyunwoo’s cue to pick Hyungwon up and practically throw him onto the bed. Hyungwon yelped in surprise but caught on quick enough to pull Hyunwoo down with him, reaching for his pants while he focused on pulling Hyungwon’s shirt off.

“Your fucking shoulders,” he breathed once it was off. He took the opportunity to latch his mouth onto Hyunwoo’s broad chest and suck a wet, hot bruise into the tanned skin there.

Hyungwon breathed out between moans, trying to undo Hyunwoo’s zipper, “Get them off.”

“Hm,” Hyunwoo just hummed in reply and let go to take his jeans off. Meanwhile Hyungwon undid his own and watched as Hyunwoo moved to help, peeling them off down his legs. He sucked another mark onto Hyungwon’s inner thigh, extracting more noises of frustration from the younger boy’s lips.

He moved up and leaned in to Hyungwon, so close that his lips were grazing his ear, and he whispered quietly enough to be a breath, “Turn over.”

Hyungwon visibly shivered and nodded, complying with Hyunwoo’s instruction. They both still had their briefs on, both painfully hard.

He grabbed Hyungwon’s cheeks and massaged them, both firm and amazing in his hands. It didn’t really show when he had jeans on, but it was literally so fucking firm in his hands and as soft as a baby’s butt. Definitely the best butt he’s ever seen. Not like he had much experience. But Hyungwon didn’t know that.

“Hurry up,” Hyungwon murmured.

Hyunwoo chuckled and pulled his own underwear down, stroking himself a few times before pulling the elastic of Hyungwon’s briefs down and off. He took another second to admire a sprawled Hyungwon.

“You look amazing, just like this.”

This time Hyungwon was the one to laugh, looking back at Hyunwoo. “Yeah, so are you going to compliment me all night or are you actually going to fuck me with that beautiful cock of yours?” he nodded towards Hyunwoo’s crotch.

Hyunwoo tried to stop his cheeks from burning, and didn’t say anything in response. He grabbed the packet of lube and tore it open, spreading the gel on his fingers and parting Hyungwon’s thighs with the other hand.  

The blood was rushing in Hyunwoo’s ears with anticipation. He could barely hear the music flooding through from the living room.

He inserted a finger and watched as Hyungwon reacted to it, hands gripping the pillow hard above him. “Come on, more,” said Hyungwon after a few moments.

He plunged a second finger in, stretching Hyungwon open, searching for that sensitive spot inside.

“One more,” Hyungwon panted, and he complied. With three fingers inside him, Hyungwon almost came undone. He moved his hands to grip the sheets where they were untucked and Hyunwoo could see the whiteness in his knuckles and that just made him so turned on.

“Come on, big boy.” Hyungwon hummed.

Not wasting a second, Hyunwoo pulled his fingers out, ripped the condom from its package and put it on with lightning speed. He got more lube and slicked up his cock before kneeling above Hyungwon.

“Can you fucking hurry?” Hyungwon groaned, opening his legs even wider. “Fucking fuck me already.”

“Okay, calm down,” Hyunwoo mumbled as he spread Hyungwon apart and lined himself up with his entrance. He took a sharp breath and pushed the head of his cock in.

Hyungwon was searing hot and tight around Hyunwoo and it took a few moments for him to adjust to the pressure of it. After a nod from Hyungwon, Hyunwoo slowly pushed in further, as far as he could go. He pulled out slowly, pleasure spiking with the drag of it, and then slammed back into him full force.

“Fucking hell,” Hyungwon hissed through his teeth.

“Are you—Is that what you wanted?” Hyunwoo murmured worriedly.

“Fucking…amazing,” Hyungwon replied.

Hyunwoo grinned and repositioned himself so that he was no longer propped up by his arms, but on top of Hyungwon, chest to back. He was so much bigger than Hyungwon, his body covering him completely. They were already coated in a thin sheen of sweat and they slid against each other as Hyunwoo began to pound hard into Hyungwon again and again and again.

He gripped both sides of Hyungwon’s torso and used it to push harder, keeping a steady rhythm. He changed his angle a little bit and a second later he heard an exerted “Oh” from below him and he knew he did something right.

“Right there. Fuck, faster,” Hyungwon breathed.

Hyunwoo found the spot again and kept at it, picking up his speed, ignoring the screaming of his muscles, hearing nothing but the slapping and slipping of skin on skin. He could feel the churning in his core starting to build, growing clearer and clearer with every passing second. He kept going, panting and moaning, unable to control it. He needed to bring it to the surface, this fire in his gut.

He spared a thought for Hyungwon’s cock pressed between him and the sheets and lifted himself up, bringing the both of them to a kneeling position. He reached around to grab Hyungwon’s cock, but his hand was dry. He put his palm in front of Hyungwon’s mouth. He understood and licked a thick, wet stripe along his hand and Hyunwoo brought it down again to wrap slickly around him. He pulled and tugged at his cock while getting back to a rigorous pace from behind.

“Feels so good,” he whispered.

“Come.”

Three more strokes on his cock and Hyungwon was coming into Hyunwoo’s hand with a strangled moan. Hyunwoo pumped him through it and a few seconds later he was coming himself, biting Hyungwon on his shoulder as hard as he could without causing too much pain and they both fell back down, Hyunwoo still above Hyungwon, their limbs too blown out to support them. Hyunwoo licked the red skin better, pressing hot, open mouthed kisses to it.

When he had somewhat gained his breath back, Hyunwoo pulled out and disposed of the condom. They both rolled over onto their backs, just breathing.

“Thanks for that,” Hyungwon grinned lazily, exhaling a little heavily.

“Yeah. I mean, you too. It was, you know. Nice.” Hyunwoo smiled.

Hyungwon snorted, “I know for a fact that I am a fantastic fuck, so ‘nice’ isn’t really the only feedback I’m getting tonight, is it?”

“Wow, I mean, uh?” Hyunwoo snorted.

Hyungwon just winked and got up. Hyunwoo followed him and they both dressed quickly. As they were walking out they looked at the messy bed they were leaving behind, sheets untucked and no doubt covered with stains. Oops.

“Sorry, Jooheon,” Hyungwon said, not sounding sorry at all.

Hyunwoo sniggered, “Yeah, by the way, how do you know Jooheon again?”

And that, was where it all started.

 

* * *

 

After the party though, Hyunwoo didn’t see Hyungwon for about a month, not even around campus. Hyunwoo didn’t find that odd though, different students had different schedules, so what? Then at Changkyun’s birthday they saw each other again. Hyungwon looked better this time, a bit more of a spark in his eyes.

It seemed to give him the confidence this time round to be the first one approaching Hyunwoo, mid-conversation with Minhyuk, and pulled him away by his belt loops. He dragged him to the nearest bathroom and locked the door. He didn’t even get the chance to finish the “I desperately need a round two. Please fuck me again.” before Hyunwoo was bending him over the sink counter.

 

* * *

 

And so it continued like that, they’d see each other out at parties, sometimes clubs or dimly lit alleys in which Hyunwoo would suck Hyungwon off or vice versa and sometimes they’d fuck. And it works for Hyunwoo. It’s exactly what he wants, no strings attached. Just a person who’s open to enjoying sex as much as he enjoys it, even though Hyungwon has made him learn a lot more about sex than he’s known before. Hyungwon’s unbelievable attractiveness certainly doesn’t hurt either.

One night, as they were putting their clothes back on, Hyungwon found Hyunwoo’s phone in his jeans and put his number in.

“If you don’t feel like waiting for a party to happen, you could let me know.” He said, tossing it to Hyunwoo.

“Oh, sure,” Hyunwoo grinned.

Now they’ve even become sort of friends. Sometimes they’ll watch TV or play games after fucking or go to get some bread from a café they saw on Instagram. They chat about music, university, some friend gossip, TV shows. Casual, just like their sex. They also refrain from asking each other too many personal questions.

And they never kiss, since Hyungwon stands by that rule. Hyunwoo has no doubts though—even though he desperately needs to taste Hyungwon’s lips—but he just appreciates the fact that he has a hot as fuck friend he can call whenever he feels like getting off. Which is, thanks to his 25 year-old libido, rather often.

He’s pretty sure Hyungwon will get on well with Minhyuk and Kihyun, but for some reason he decides not to introduce him to them. They’ve seen him around at all the events he attends, but Hyunwoo always ends up dragging Hyungwon in the opposite direction. He knows his friends and he knows what they’ll say. If anything, he saw their ‘friendly’ attack of questions coming this morning. It’s best to keep the two segments of his life separate.

Occasionally, little details slip out. Hyunwoo will recall a memory from his childhood that relates to their current conversation and tell Hyungwon about it or Hyungwon will remark that his mother would love a certain song that they were listening to in the car.

Hyunwoo’s quietly curious about Hyungwon.

He finds himself filing away whatever information the older boy gives out, for future reference. He’s from Gwang-ju, he likes dancing, he loves his mother and he can never say no to shrimp. He also likes to DJ sometimes, but it’s been a while since.

They subconsciously learn each other’s favourite foods, what meals to order from certain restaurants. Hyunwoo knows to change the channel when that one ad comes on because it annoys Hyungwon. He always forgets to charge his phone, so Hyungwon will always come over to hang out at his and leave his phone to charge using a spare cable that Hyunwoo owns.

He still doesn’t know Hyungwon fully, and it’s only on occasion that one of them will stay late before leaving. Most of the time they leave the other in bed and let themselves out. Hyunwoo likes it. Really, he does. Being around Hyungwon is easy. So Hyunwoo is happy as things are.

 

* * *

 

After his last lecture of the day Hyunwoo walks to the bus stop to wait, still processing a sample question from an exam paper they just went over in economics. His thoughts are interrupted by a buzzing in his pocket and he smiles when he sees it’s a text from Hyungwon:

_wanna hang?_

Hyunwoo’s dick twitches just at the thought. But then he rereads the text and frowns a bit – Hyungwon never invites him over this early. They’ll usually contact each other around 10 or 11 at night. The earliest has been 8, as Hyunwoo recalls. Maybe something’s wrong. He doesn’t have anything special planned that afternoon. Some studying that he can easily put off, and he’s sure he can just eat dinner at Hyungwon’s. He types out a reply.

_sure. everything okay?_

He turns and begins the walk to Hyungwon’s rented room, which is closer to campus than Hyunwoo’s. The reply takes a few minutes to arrive, but eventually his phone buzzes again.

_yes_

He’s acting odd. He usually adds a wink or a random emoji. He’s never that brief when he texts. Hyunwoo wonders what’s happened.

He reaches the flat, calls Hyungwon’s number and the door buzzes open. He climbs the stairs and lets himself in after finding the door unlocked. Hyungwon is sitting on the couch playing a famous EDM song at top volume, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he looked at his phone.

He closes the door quietly and passes behind Hyungwon, who seems to have not yet noticed his entrance, to rummage through the fridge. He hasn’t eaten all day. He takes a beer and a banana from the fruit bowl.

He goes back into the living area, announcing his presence this time with a “Hey”.

Hyungwon jumps a little and lowers the sound setting of the Bluetooth speakers that is connected to his phone once Hyunwoo has taken the place next to him. He looks at the food questioningly but doesn’t say anything.

“So, what’s going on? You alright?” asks Hyunwoo.

Hyungwon forces a smile and fiddles with the game controller that was originally placed on the coffee table in front of him. “Hey. Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“Okay, well that’s going to change after I kick your ass on a virtual football game once I’m done with this banana, so get ready.”

Hyungwon smiles a little wider at this, but it still doesn’t reach his eyes like it usually does. Hyunwoo gets the feeling that Hyungwon isn’t in his usual I-want-to-have-sex mood that he usually is in before they actually spend time doing something else. Hyunwoo is curious to know if something’s happened, but he knows better than to ask. They never speak about feelings and shit.

Casual, casual, casual, remember?

“Yeah I see you’ve helped yourself there.” He grabs the beer and takes a swig for himself, a known habit of his when it comes to Hyunwoo. His smile fades soon after that and he looks a little distracted as moves to set up the second controller for the older boy.

They play for a while, getting lost in the game and engaging in the usual banter after every time one of them makes an exciting shot. Hyunwoo gets up to go to the bathroom and on the way back he walks past Hyungwon’s desk where his phone is charging since Hyunwoo plugged it in for him earlier. He sees the screen light up from receiving a text message so he unplugs it. He hesitates when a word catches his eye. He knows he shouldn’t do this, but he glances at the screen again to read the message properly. It’s from Hyungwon’s friend, Changkyun.

_Won u can't hide from this forever okay. Ur dad died. U need to talk about this, if not to me then at least someone else. Please call me!!!_

Hyunwoo’s eyes widen. He exits the message and sees that Hyungwon has about 23 missed calls, 12 voicemails and about 46 unread texts.

“Hyung?” he hears Hyungwon’s voice from the lounge. Fuck.

What is he supposed to do? Clearly Hyungwon knows but why isn’t he fucking crying? Hyunwoo, for one, knows that he would be a complete wreck. And more importantly, why did he invite Hyunwoo to come over? He has to say something. He knows emotions are not a part of the deal, but he can’t just ignore it.

He walks tentatively back into the lounge with no idea to handle himself in this situation.

“Hyungwon…” He says, gripping the younger boy’s phone in his hands.

Hyungwon’s eyes drop to see what he’s holding and look back up at Hyunwoo’s gaze, which is giving him a questioning look. Hyunwoo watches as realization dawns on Hyungwon. He drags a hand down his face and huffs out, falling back against the couch. “Fuck, not you too.”

Hyunwoo furrows his eyebrows, slightly confused. “Uh? What do you mean ‘not you too’? Were you not going to tell me your dad died or were you just waiting for you to actually win a game before making your announcement?”

Hyungwon rolled his eyes, “No, I actually wasn’t going to mention it at all because it doesn’t matter to me. Everyone wants to talk to me about it but I just don’t want to.”

“But he was your fath-“

“No, he wasn’t!”

“What?”

“He was nothing,” Hyungwon stands up. “He left me and my mom when I was 4 years old and didn’t contact us once since. I looked for him when I was 16 and when I found him and he found out I'm gay so he called me names and kicked me out. He was disgusting and could have died ages ago for all I fucking care.”

There is silence. Hyungwon has never shared that much about himself before. Hyunwoo didn’t know anything about Hyungwon’s relationship with his dad. He can't imagine how horrible that must have been for him. He struggles to think of words to say.

“Oh, Hyungwon, uh, I—,”

“And now my mum and Jooheon and even Changkyun who almost never calls me haven’t stopped calling and they’re trying to get me to talk to someone like I care, but honestly, I don’t. I’m pretty glad he died, and right now I just want to forget he even existed. That’s why I called you, because you’re quiet, and calm and soothing and you don’t ask questions, so please.”

“Wow, okay.” Hyunwoo runs his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. It obviously wasn’t your fault so,” he smiles bitterly, resigned. “Now, can we please talk about something else?”

Hyunwoo releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He kind of wants to touch Hyungwon, comfort him. But he doesn’t. Instead he walks over and sits on the couch. “I guess. If you don’t want to talk about it I’m obviously not going to force you, Hyungwon.”

Hyungwon sighs again, “I’m really fine. I wish people would believe me.” He takes his seat again next to Hyunwoo.

“I do believe you,” Hyunwoo says quietly. “I’m just sorry that all that happened to you. It must’ve been hard, growing up like that.”

“I was better off without him. There’s no need to pity me, hyung. Turned out alright, didn’t I?” his voice has gained that playful edge back, which Hyunwoo now realizes is a defense mechanism, and he knows they’re done talking about it.

Hyungwon does end up winning a game and they get chicken as they spend the night watching some funny reality show that Hyungwon really enjoys. Hyungwon laughs at all the right jokes, even makes snarky comments, but Hyunwoo notices the slightly bitter tinge to whatever he does. When he steals glances at him every few minutes he notices the smile is still incomplete. Hyungwon isn’t alright, even if he won’t admit it to himself.

But Hyunwoo thinks he will be, though. Eventually.

 

* * *

 

He decides to give Hyungwon space for a while. He thinks the younger boy needs time to clear his head and heal. Regardless of what he said, Hyunwoo’s not about to mess with his emotions like that. He prepares a few excuses to give Hyungwon the next time he texts. What Hyunwoo doesn’t expect is for Hyungwon to hardly reach out to him. A week after that afternoon he asks if Hyunwoo’s going to a party, to which he said no. Ten days later he asks Hyunwoo to come over but he tells him he has to prepare for a test. Hyungwon stops texting after that.

It feels a little bit odd for Hyunwoo to go so long without seeing him but he thinks Hyungwon should just get himself sorted out. Hyunwoo doesn’t want to seem like he’s taking advantage of Hyungwon’s vulnerability either.

It kind of sucks though since he’s grown accustomed to Hyungwon’s company. He finds himself subconsciously checking his phone for texts and missed calls during the days. Minhyuk and Kihyun notice his fidgeting and unsettled behaviour and ask him what’s up. He claims it’s nothing and misses the significant glance that the other two share.

 

* * *

 

One afternoon Hyunwoo’s sitting against a large tree on the grass in front of the main building on campus, doing homework and listening to music. It’s been getting warmer these days and Hyunwoo loves studying outside.

He looks up across the lawn to the steps leading down from the building. A familiar figure catches his eye. Hyungwon. He squints a little and sees Changkyun standing next to him. Then he sees a buff figure on the other side of Hyungwon who can only be his ex-boyfriend—Hoseok, as he recalls from a brief conversation they had in bed. Hyunwoo watches them talk, kiss each other quickly and part ways. Hyungwon and Changkyun are walking in his direction. Hyunwoo tries not to watch them, only looking up when he felt them getting closer.

He sees when Hyungwon spots him. He stops mid step and says something to Changkyun, who glances at Hyunwoo, nods at Hyungwon and keeps walking his way to the parking lot. Hyungwon turns and walks up to Hyunwoo with a smile.

“Hi, stranger.”

“Hi,” Hyunwoo pulls an earphone out and puts his pen down, squinting up at him.

“Can I sit?”

“Of course.”

Hyungwon takes a spot next to him and sits cross-legged.

“So, how’ve you been?” Hyungwon asks.

“Okay, I guess. Nothing new. Just studying, really, and that’s boring. You?”

“Exciting,” he laughs. “I uh, I went to visit my mum over the weekend. It was good. The funeral was last week some time. I didn’t go to that though.” His smile fades a bit.

“And you’re okay?”

Hyungwon looks up searchingly, as if the answer is in the clouds. “Yeah. I think I am. Don’t know if I really was before, though,” he looks knowingly at Hyunwoo, “But I’m alright now.”

Hyunwoo holds his gaze, “That’s good.”

They’re both silent for some time, but it’s not awkward. They watch students leaving campus, walking to their cars, riding bicycles on the path, lounging on the grass in the late afternoon sun. It’s peaceful. But after a while Hyunwoo realizes he wants to ask him about Hoseok.

“Was that your ex?”

Hyungwon shifts a little, “Uh, yeah.”

Hyunwoo nods in understanding, doesn’t say anything. Apparently Hyungwon feels the need to explain though.

“He heard about… what happened… and he came over and kind of comforted me? I didn’t need it, but I told myself that I wanted him there anyway.”

“So you’re back together now…”

“No, uh, I—I'm not really sure. It’s a little uncertain right now and I'm feeling a bit weird about it. Like, we haven’t really discussed it.” Hyungwon pauses and frowns. “Why haven’t you been texting me though?”

Hyunwoo scoffs, “You didn’t text me either.”

“Well, I did but you didn't seem too keen on spending any time with me anyways.”

“I thought you needed space, Hyungwon. Felt like I would have been taking advantage of, you know, your emotional distress or something. I don’t know. Thought you didn’t want me to ask questions and shit.” The straightforward answer given was followed with a small shrug.

Hyungwon lets out a chuckle, “Wow, aren’t you understanding.” Then his eyes turn a bit sad, “Actually, I guess I should thank you. I think I did need time after all, to re-think myself and just deal with things. But instead of doing that I slept with Hoseok. He’s been distant to me ever since, but still kind of pulling me along? I think that’s probably all he wanted, though.” He stares off into the distance.

“Oh, Won, I’m sorry.” Hyunwoo is saddened but at the same time his chest tightens with anger. The thought of Hoseok using Hyungwon when he was most vulnerable maddens him. “What a dick.”

“Yeah,” Hyungwon focuses his gaze on a flock of pigeons across the grass. “You know, I’m pretty sure he cheated on me. Just before we broke up. He doesn’t realize it, but I'm sure.”

“Then what are you doing with him?” asks Hyunwoo in disbelief.

Hyungwon tenses up, refusing to look at Hyunwoo. He seems to struggle to come up with an answer before saying, “He’s a familiar face? I don’t know.”

“Hyungwon,” Hyunwoo says, trying to get him to meet his eyes. Hyungwon doesn’t. Hyunwoo does his best not to notice how the late afternoon sun hits Hyungwon’s face and illuminates his skin. He has to swallow at how his cheekbones, all sharp angles, split the light and make him look like a sculpture. He really is unbelievably beautiful.

“Won, look at me.”

He does this time, meeting Hyunwoo’s gaze dead on, but it looks tired. It’s the same look he had when Hyunwoo saw him that first night they met. Over the time they spent together, it had faded, replacing itself with a youthful glow. But now it’s back and Hyunwoo wants nothing more than to make it disappear again.

“You need to end things with him. If he’s coming to you at a time when you’re confused and you’re trying to figure shit out so that he can use this as an opportunity to fuck you then that is seriously fucked up and you can't let him use you like this.”

Hyungwon looks cut open, exposed. Hyunwoo watches as his defenses shoot up. “And how about you? How do I know if you aren’t using me either? Why should I even trust either of you?”

That hurts, but he doesn’t let it show. “Well, when was the last time we had sex, Hyungwon?”

Hyungwon looks away, not saying anything.

“Listen,” Hyunwoo sighs, “I know I’m not your boyfriend. Hell, I don’t even know if we’re even proper friends, so I know my advice probably isn’t the most valuable thing to you. But I can see what being with him does to you. Back when we met and right now. You get this exhausted expression on your face and you lose that spark you usually have.”

Hyungwon looks back up at him, eyes searching his.

“You have to get rid of the toxicity in your life. If you think he’s being a dick to you, which he is, then leave him. He’s not helping you. If you think I’m making you feel worse or you can't trust me, then we don’t have to keep hanging out. I guess I’ll have to understand.” He doesn’t want to say that last part though—he really likes spending time with Hyungwon. He also really likes the sex they have. “Although I can't say I’ll enjoy it.” he chuckles bitterly.

“No, hyung, I—I just need time, okay? And I do want to hang out with you. I get what you’re saying. Just…let me work on it, yeah?” he gets up.

“Hyungwon, whatever you do, just do it for yourself, okay? Don’t do it for Hoseok. Don’t do it for me either.”

Hyungwon nods, tightens his grip on his books. Hyunwoo knows this conversation is over. “Bye, hyung.”

He watches him leave, feeling odd and unsure. That conversation felt very unsettled. He sighs and starts packing up his own things to go home as the sun sets.

Hyunwoo just wishes he could see Hyungwon again. Soon.

 

* * *

 

Hyunwoo, Kihyun and Minhyuk are at their usual corner table in the campus café on a Friday afternoon. Kihyun and Minhyuk are engaged in some conversation that Hyunwoo is having trouble keeping up with—probably something that is related to work or girls, so not much of a loss there. He stirs his coffee, staring at it, trying to escape his own thoughts, which pretty much is a mess of Hyungwon, Hyungwon and Hyungwon again.

It’s been two weeks since he last saw him and honestly, it’s been difficult to not think about him. The first few days were fine. Like he was before he saw him by the tree. But as time wore on, it got harder. And Hyunwoo kind of wants to punch himself in the face.

Last night he called for pizza and ordered two, one of them with the typical pepperoni topping which was Hyungwon’s usual order. He realized his mistake after he hung up and had to call the joint again to change the order.

The night before while watching TV, the reality show that Hyungwon enjoyed came on and he called to Hyungwon in the kitchen to hurry up and join him, only to realize that Hyungwon wasn’t even there. He scolded himself and went for an evening run instead to take his mind off things.

And he’s been jerking off to the image of Hyungwon way more times than he’s willing to admit.

Now he’s sitting here with his friends and still he keeps thinking about Hyungwon. He wonders if he’s actually going to see him again, get a chance to fuck him, or just even talk to him again. He hopes Hyungwon finds the strength to get rid of Hoseok. The guy is bad news. But Hyunwoo just reminds himself that it’s really not his business. It’s not. Really. He keeps stirring his coffee.

What worries him most though, is the fact that he can’t think about anything else. Every time he pictures Hyungwon in his mind as his thoughts drift to hazy memories of drunken nights, bathroom quickies in the random parties, hand jobs in Hyungwon’s car after a day out. Snapshots of heat and sex and fun. He finds himself craving it all. He tries to focus on something else, anything else, but instead makes it worse for himself by thinking about Hyungwon’s body. His slim waist, his pure white skin, his delicate collarbones, his long legs and how good it feels around Hyunwoo’s-

“What do you think, Hyunwoo?” Minhyuk asks. Hyunwoo takes a second to realize he’s being questioned out of nowhere.

A sugar packet hits the side of his face from Kihyun’s direction, snapping him out of the growing arousal in his trousers.

“Yah,” Hyunwoo whines.

“Earth to hyung,” Kihyun smirks.

Hyunwoo laughs nervously and scratches the back of his neck. He needs to focus.  “Oh, um, what I think? I uh—,” he searches for a related topic to whatever it was they were talking about, but he wasn’t listening. At all. Man, his brain can’t even function normally.

“Forget it,” Minhyuk chuckles. “Why are you so distracted?”

Hyunwoo closes his eyes and rubs his forehead. “Sorry. I just, uh. I’m really nervous for the Economics exam? Been struggling this semester to, you know, keep up and stuff.”

“Well that’s bullshit,” Kihyun scoffs. “I saw your last test scores. You’re not having any troubles there.”

They’re both looking at him with concerned gazes that tell Hyunwoo that he’s not going to get out of explaining this one that easy.

He sighs, giving up any and all pretenses he had before. “Okay. There’s this, uh, friend of mine.”

Kihyun raises his eyebrow, “A man friend?”

“Okay wow, who actually says ‘man friend’?”

Kihyun claps his hands once. “Ha! I knew it.”

Hyunwoo rolls his eyes. “Well, I’m not telling you two who it is. But, yeah. I’m just concerned about him, that’s all. He’s going through some stuff at the moment. And I guess, well. I’m just not seeing him as much as before. Or at all, really.”

“Well does he know you like him?” asks Minhyuk.

“I don’t like him, Min. He’s just a friend.”

Kihyun shoots him an unimpressed look, “A friend who you like to have sex with.”

“Yup.”

“Okay,” Kihyun says with a smug smile. That little shit.

“Anyways,” Minhyuk says, bringing the conversation back to the point, “Is there any way you can help him?”

“Ugh, not really. I’ve just been trying to give him space and stuff. He’s said that’s what he needs so.” He shrugs. “I guess I just have to wait.”

Minhyuk pats his shoulder.

“Well in the meantime you have a whole lake to fish from. Go and find some other dude to get off with. Don’t let that stop your sexual needs.” Kihyun says like it’s nothing before getting up and tossing a few notes on the table.

“I,” Hyunwoo considers for a moment. “I’m not used to that, but uh, I guess I should. Okay.” But why does the idea not sound as appealing as it’s supposed to?

“Where are you off to?” Minhyuk asks Kihyun.

“Meeting some dudes for a drink.”

“Some dudes?” Hyunwoo asks.

“They’re from the drama club. And older. So they’re paying.”

“But what about us?”

Kihyun stares at him blankly. “You guys never pay. And I’m a broke and hungry man.”

“Okay. Don’t have too much fun.”

Minhyuk widens his eyes at Hyunwoo, who grins.

Kihyun rolls his eyes amusedly and pushes his chair in, “Don’t miss me too much, Min. Bye Hyunwoo, tell me when you’ve found someone else.”

Hyunwoo giggles a little and returns the wave Kihyun gives as he leaves the café. He turns back to Minhyuk and lets out a sigh. He takes a few sips of coffee in silence as Minhyuk sends a few texts. Now that they’re alone and it’s Minhyuk, Hyunwoo knows he can safely ask the question that he’s been mulling over for some time now without Kihyun judging him. He waits for Minhyuk to put his phone down.

He hesitates, but takes a deep breath. “Uh, Min. Theoretically,” he says, emphasizing the word, “If you liked someone… how would you know that?”

Hyunwoo knows it’s a stupid question. But he’s honestly never felt like he’s ever liked someone. Sure there were a number of attractive people he agrees are fuckable, but he’s never been as forward like he was with Hyungwon. He likes the idea of a casual relationship with no strings attached, and he knows that he might be somewhat charming enough. But that’s it.

Hyungwon was his first…relationship if he could call it that. He didn’t know he’d be this hooked.

But now. It feels a lot more complicated. Hyungwon has complicated things. He doesn’t like Hyungwon. He doesn’t. At least he thinks so. But why is the thought of meaningless sex with a random stranger not doing anything for him?

Minhyuk smiles. “Well, I guess you just know, don’t you?” He chuckles, “Theoretically, you want to spend all your time with the person. And you care about them. And sometimes you don’t want to, like, be intimate with anyone else. I don’t know. You just have to feel it deep down.” He shrugs.

Hyunwoo runs down Minhyuk’s list in his head. Check. Check. And check. Fuck.

 

* * *

 

The next Friday evening finds Hyunwoo alone on his couch. He’s had a few tests this week and is pretty tired. Thankfully those tests are what kept Hyunwoo’s mind off of… a certain person. But now that he’s got time to think, his thoughts aren’t very academic anymore. While not actively thinking about it, it seems like Hyunwoo just accepted that Hyungwon is now a special person to him and he’s not getting out of it easily. His mind automatically wanders to what Hyungwon is up to tonight. And whether he’s ended things with Hoseok. And what he’s wearing…

Okay, nope. He’s not doing this. It’s been three weeks and he’s not going to sit around his room on a Friday night and let his sad little Hyungwon thoughts stop him from enjoying himself. Fuck that. He’s going out and having a good night. Hyunwoo was perfectly fine before Hyungwon and he still is. Nothing’s changed. He’s perfectly fine.

He stands up, gives himself 3 quick slaps on the cheek and goes to get his jacket.

 

* * *

 

The music pounds in Hyunwoo’s ears, the base hammering in his chest. He’s surrounded by warm bodies pulsating, grinding, and fluctuating around him. He’s hot. And humid. He can feel his back slick with sweat, but he doesn’t care. It’s dark but the inconsistent flashing of brightly coloured lights is enough for him to see and make his way toward the chiseled-looking guy eyeing him from across the dance floor. He needs this, a distraction that is.

It’s been too long since he’s been out and it feels good, like coming home. He called up Minhyuk and Kihyun and they came here, to his favourite club, ready to loosen up and have fun. Fuck everything else. By now the other two have gone off with a couple of girls and Hyunwoo’s had a few drinks. But even with all the pounding music and the alcohol running through his veins clouding his head, he can't get his mind off Hyungwon.

“Hey. I’m Hyunwoo,” he says, holding out a hand as he reaches the guy, who grabs it and tugs them together to put his mouth to Hyunwoo’s ear, nipping at his earlobe. “I’m whatever you want me to be.”

Okay, maybe a little too forward, Hyunwoo thinks. That feels good though, and this guy smells amazing, but it’s a bit too strong and burns Hyunwoo’s nostrils. His senses are in overdrive yet he’s also numb. He’s sexually frustrated, there’s no denying it. He hasn’t slept with anyone since Hyungwon all those weeks ago, and to be honest it’s the longest he’s gone without sex ever since meeting Hyungwon. And yeah, he’s trying not to let it worry him how he’s not found anyone else that he wants to sleep with in that time.

So he begins to dance with this stranger, hoping to feel some sense of attraction there, pressing against his back and losing himself in the heavy beat of the speakers. He responds as Hyunwoo hopes, grinding back against him. He holds his waist as they move. And yeah, this is nice, he supposes.

But his mind is soon in other places as he closes his eyes. The hard body in front of him becomes slimmer and familiar. He imagines that the neck he begins kissing smells like earthy soap and clean sheets, not strong cologne. The hair that tickles his face is softer, light brown and feathery, not spiky and coated with gel. Then a face comes to the forefront of his mind. Sharp cheek bones, fair skin, long eyelashes, those luscious lips, crinkled eyes.

He suddenly feels his blood rushing downwards.

He opened his eyes, surprised—and disappointed—to find that he’s still dancing with this stranger… and not someone else he had in mind. He’s still dancing, but Hyunwoo’s stopped. Confused, Hyunwoo mutters a “sorry” in his ear and walks away. The stranger looks kind of startled but is too drunk to care, and he moves on to another guy nearby.

Hyunwoo shakes his head, trying to snap out of it. What is going on with him? A few months ago there was no way in hell Hyunwoo would have left a guy on the dance floor who seemed well into him without him even trying. But right now he feels different. He isn’t interested in kissing another stranger, or even touching one at all. It’s not that he’s grossed out or anything, but now after trying it, he feels absolutely no attraction. Or any of the guys he’s seen in this club, for that matter. Bloody hell.

He goes to the bar, definitely in need of another drink. He orders a shot and tips it back quickly, the liquid searing his throat on the way down.

He turns his back and leans against the bar, watching the throbbing crowd on the dance floor. And just as his luck will have it, he spots them. Hyungwon and Hoseok, on the edge of the crowd, dancing really, really close together and there’s not an inch of space between them, as they grind against each other. He can’t look away because it’s fucking Hyungwon.

Hyunwoo refuses to imagine, to even remember what it feels like to be so close to him, their bodies moving together in a perfect rhythm with their bodies snug against each other. Hyunwoo feels a flash of jealousy and desire make its way up his spine, remembering that it’s Hoseok that Hyungwon is currently doing this with. Hyunwoo can’t see Hyungwon’s face, but he can see Hoseok’s. And he isn’t even looking at Hyungwon. Hyunwoo squints a little and raises his eyebrows in surprise when he sees Hoseok wink at another guy nearby him. As the guy passes, Hoseok grabs his butt. While he’s still attached to Hyungwon.

Hyunwoo’s blood boils. What the fuck is that asshole doing? Why on earth would he even look at another man when he has Hyungwon right in front of him? Hyunwoo has to breathe slowly and tell himself a few times not to get involved, to resist marching over there and doing something stupid. 

He needs to just stay out of it. To forget about Hyungwon. To not care. He takes a deep breath and looks away, as he tries to think of something else. Just not Hyungwon.

That plan doesn’t last long. But thankfully when he looks back in their direction Hyungwon is making his way to the bar, only a few people separating the both of them. When he turns around his eyes found Hyunwoo’s, but he doesn’t say anything or come over. He gives Hyunwoo a surprised half smile and tips his drink in his direction. Hyunwoo feels the tension in his shoulders slightly loosen. Hyungwon seems fine, but he’s not a hundred percent sure where they stand at the moment, so he doesn’t go over to him. They just stay like that, smiling at each other while sipping their drinks, almost smirking from time to time, swaying with the music.

Because he’s curious and an idiot, Hyunwoo looks back at Hoseok on the dance floor, and his skin on the back of his neck pricks. The man has got his mouth attached to another guy’s lips and they’re really going at it. It takes him a second to realize that the other guy is the same guy he danced with earlier. He almost laughs to himself at the situation, until he sees Hyungwon follow his gaze, the smile on his face disappearing.

Shit. Hyungwon pushes off the bar angrily and storms over to Hoseok. He’s so tall next to him and has to tap him hard repeatedly on the shoulder before Hoseok notices him.

Hyunwoo can't hear what’s being said over the loud club anthems and the distance between them, but Hyungwon is clearly yelling at Hoseok, who looks guilty, yet unapologetic at the same time. He backs away from the stranger and calls out what looks like apologies as he drunkenly wraps his arms around Hyungwon, completely engulfing his slimmer frame. Hyungwon stumbles, trying to get out from Hoseok’s grip.

And well, that’s the final straw. Hyunwoo can’t stand this any longer. He’s seen enough. He practically slams his bottle down and before he knows it he’s in front of Hoseok, tugging his arms off of Hyungwon and shoving him away from the younger boy. Hoseok stumbles back but doesn’t fall. Next to Hyunwoo, Hyungwon is standing up properly again, adjusting his shirt.

Hyunwoo takes a step in front of him protectively, throwing an arm around him on impulse. “Leave him alone,” he tells Hoseok with an unintentionally gruff voice that he couldn’t even recognize. The younger man looks at him with hazy but fearful eyes. Hyunwoo barely feels the sudden gentle pressure of Hyungwon taking his hand, but it’s there. He looks down at it and then up at Hyungwon, who’s looking at him with an expression of gratitude mixed with something else he can't read.

“For fuck’s sake,” Hoseok yells back at Hyungwon, seeing their intertwined hands. “Sure, leave. But don’t come running back to me when another dude realizes that you’re just another emotional and fucked up bitch who can’t be bothered to care about anything else than yourself.”

At this Hyunwoo swears his vision blurs with the anger he’s currently feeling and he lunges forward, landing a hard punch on Hoseok’s jaw. “Don’t fucking talk to him like that, you asshead,” he growls.

The force of it makes Hoseok stumble backward, falling over this time. Some girls around them squeal and a moment later the random stranger from before bends down to help him. They’ve created a bit of scene, but Hyunwoo just turns and grabs Hyungwon, who’s staring at him wide-eyed and almost admiringly, by the arm and tugs him out to front of the club, not looking back. Hyungwon goes willingly, neither of them speaking.

They make it outside and Hyunwoo gets them a taxi since he came in Minhyuk’s car. Hyungwon gives the driver his own address and takes his seat next to Hyunwoo, who just looks out the window, fists clenching and unclenching. He’s not generally a violent person, but right now he is seething. Fuck anyone who treats his Hyungwon that way. He knows he really needs to calm down so he opens the window and takes long breaths, letting the chilly night air soothe his lungs and unclog his mind.

By the time they reach Hyungwon’s place, Hyunwoo has calmed down to a reasonable state. He now becomes aware of the aching in his fist from throwing that punch and he holds it with his other hand while Hyungwon gets his keys out, leading him inside. The adrenaline of the night’s events has sobered Hyunwoo up considerably, his vision a little less hazy than it was before. He’s able to walk a little straighter.

Hyungwon lets them in, turns the lights on and shuts the door. “I can’t believe you just—,” He cuts himself off when he turns around to look at Hyunwoo and gasps, “Shit, Hyunwoo, is your hand okay?”

“What?” Hyunwoo mutters, rotating it to get a better look at the raw purple skin. “Oh. Yeah, no, its fine I think. Probably a bit bruised or something. Yeah.”

Hyungwon sighs and walks into the kitchen while Hyunwoo drops onto the sofa and leans his head back. After an immeasurable amount of time Hyunwoo feels the couch dip and the next thing he knows Hyungwon is gently holding his injured fist and pressing ice wrapped in a dishcloth to his knuckles. Hyunwoo holds back his winces.

“Let them out, hyung,” says Hyungwon softly.

Hyunwoo eases up, “No, I’m fine.” After the initial shock the pain starts to turn to icicles of numbness across his hand. It’s better. “So this is how you treat a bruised hand, then?”

“No idea, really. This is what they do on TV, don’t they? I haven’t really punched anyone before.” He smirks, raising an eyebrow at Hyunwoo.

“Neither have I, until, well, now.” Hyunwoo manages a chuckle.

Hyungwon bursts out laughing. “I still can’t believe you actually hit Hoseok. He literally won’t hurt a fly—wouldn’t have done any damage honestly. He’s just a giant asshole, that’s it.”

“Yeah, of course I knew that.” Hyunwoo grins. Hyungwon snickers at that.

They sit in a comfortable silence, laughter fading, ears buzzing from the absence of loud music, Hyungwon nursing Hyunwoo’s hand. Hyunwoo steals more than a few glances at him. It’s been a while since they’ve been this close to each other.

His hair looks very soft tonight, having been left down in a fringe—what Hyunwoo likes best—and it falls delicately over one of his eyes as he’s looking down. His eyelashes are long enough to make shadows on his smooth, high cheekbones. He holds his lower lip between his teeth and for the first time Hyunwoo wants to know what it feels like to press his own lips to those delicious lips of his. He can’t ignore the sudden surge of desire that courses through his body. He feels almost magnetic towards Hyungwon, and he could swear Hyungwon feels it too.

But it’s not just his body that Hyunwoo wants, as he realizes these past weeks without him. Looking at him, he wants to talk to Hyungwon, about things more important than sex or reality TV. How does he feel about picnics? Does he remember his dreams when he wakes up in the morning? How did he feel when his dad left? He wants to know how he looks in the morning, hair all fluffy and eyes half open, voice croaky. He wants to hear about his mum and his hometown and his childhood friends and his favourite books and his most awful teachers and his first kiss. He wants to know more about him. He wants to know Hyungwon.

When he looks up once more, Hyungwon’s already looking at him. His gaze is unreadable, but he licks his lips and swallows. He looks like he’s about to say something but instead he moves to put the dishcloth on the coffee table before sitting back against the couch facing Hyunwoo again.

What he does next surprises Hyunwoo. He reaches over, resting his elbow on top of the couch, and touches the collar of Hyunwoo’s shirt, running the fabric between his fingers, focusing his eyes on that instead of Hyunwoo’s stare. It feels so intimate that Hyunwoo almost forgets to breathe.

Without looking up, Hyungwon says in a soft whisper, “Thank you. For what you did. You didn’t have to do that, but you did. I appreciate it. I really do.” The back of his fingers brush the base of Hyunwoo’s neck for a second. It was quick, but Hyunwoo didn’t imagine it, he’s sure.

“I wanted to.” Hyunwoo’s voice is huskier than he thinks it is. “He said those… he said horrible things about you. And it just made me really mad. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. It might be the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me,” he smiles sadly.

“Won,” Hyunwoo says pleadingly. Hyungwon finally meets his eyes again. Beautiful. “You don’t deserve to be treated like that. Why did you stay with him, even after that stuff we talked about?”

Hyungwon shakes his head at himself, chuckling bitterly at some thought of his own, clearly, because as far as Hyunwoo knows he didn’t say anything funny.

“What is it?” Hyunwoo urges slightly.

Hyungwon takes a deep breath and lets it out in a whoosh of air, as if to say ‘fuck it’. He looks up at Hyunwoo and says quietly, “I did it because I couldn’t stop thinking of you.”

Oh.

Hyunwoo takes a few seconds to absorb this. Hyungwon is watching Hyunwoo’s face with an expression of reluctant hopefulness, but he looks like he wishes he didn’t just say that. Its dead quiet in the flat. Hyunwoo’s pretty sure it’s silent in the street outside too. It’s about 2am. And here they are.

“Oh,” Hyunwoo whispers, staring back and forth between Hyungwon’s beautiful eyes and delicious mouth. “Well that’s—that’s nice. I think.”

The furrows in Hyungwon’s brow loosen and his face practically opens up. He’s not smiling but he has a warmth and fondness in his eyes that wasn’t there a second before.

“Yeah?”

Hyunwoo nods, exhaling shakily.

He hears Hyungwon’s breath hitch a little. They seem to have shifted closer to each other. His skin is buzzing with the proximity and he really wants to touch Hyungwon, hold him, or anything, just anything.

The fingers holding Hyunwoo’s collar shift up to touch his neck cautiously. Hyunwoo has to close his eyes at the sensation of his fingertips, intensifying all his senses. Hyungwon’s hand moves down and is joined by his other one to undo the top buttons of Hyunwoo’s shirt. Hyungwon pauses, looking at him questioningly. The answer in Hyunwoo’s gaze must be what he’s looking for because Hyungwon focuses back on the buttons, undoing them slowly and carefully, one by one.

Once his shirt is open, Hyungwon lightly pushes Hyunwoo so he’s lying against the arm rest. He puts his hands on his chest, trailing his fingers down Hyunwoo’s broad chest, making him breathless. He leans down slowly and presses his lips to it tenderly, heat growing where their skin meets. He moves across and kisses it some more.

He makes his way to the middle of his chest and peppers soft kisses down, down, and further down. He stops at Hyunwoo’s hip, stroking the tanned skin there and looking up at Hyunwoo. Fuck. Hyunwoo reaches down and tilts Hyungwon’s chin up, coaxing him towards him. Hyungwon sits up so that he’s straddling him, their similar heights making Hyunwoo look up as Hyungwon gazes at him from above. They are so close, exchanging shallow breaths, their eyes locked in a steady gaze.

Hyunwoo feels a tugging in his chest, a magnetic pull towards the beautiful boy above him who’s looking down at him with an expression he’s never seen. It’s not like the lustful stares he would give him from across the room at a party or the knowing look he wears when he’s teasing Hyunwoo in the bedroom. It’s a quiet, admiring, fondness and Hyunwoo wants to wrap himself in it forever. And that is a literal forever. Like for the rest of his life forever.

Hyungwon lowers his head slightly, not all the way. “Hyung,” he breathes, egging Hyunwoo on to do exactly what he’s wanted to do for much longer than he realizes.

Hyunwoo closes his eyes and raises his chin slowly, feeling the soft breaths on his face as he gets closer to Hyungwon. There is a second of hesitation, his nose brushing against Hyungwon’s cheek, and then their lips meet for the first time in a warm kiss. Hyungwon slots his bottom lip between Hyunwoo’s and Hyunwoo sucks on it gently. Their mouths move together almost experimentally, learning the feel and pressure of each other and Hyunwoo feels like he’s melting from the touch. The kiss isn’t long or intense but when they pull away it’s slow and unwilling.

Hyunwoo’s senses are on fire and wow, ok, he needs more. He licks his lips, looking at Hyungwon pleadingly. Hyungwon smirks and raises an eyebrow cheekily, like he’s challenging him to do it again. Luckily for Hyunwoo, it’s not much of a challenge. He wraps a hand behind Hyungwon’s neck and pulls him down, attaching their mouths once again. It’s less careful this time, more passionate.

Hyunwoo runs his tongue over Hyungwon’s bottom lip, eliciting a moan from the younger boy, and then he parts his lips, licking hotly into Hyungwon’s mouth. Hyungwon tastes like beer with faint traces of mint and Hyunwoo’s brain is clouded, only able to focus on the feeling of Hyungwon’s tongue dancing with his.

They’re both panting and breathing out through their noses as their mouths move together. Heat spreads throughout Hyunwoo’s body, because he’s actually  _kissing_  Hyungwon, and not fucking him meaninglessly just because it feels good. Kissing Hyungwon was the first thing he wanted to do ever since he saw him at Jooheon’s party. And the idea that Hyungwon wants this just as much as Hyunwoo does sends sparks of excitement all over him, from his core to the very tips of his fingers.

Hyunwoo is broad and muscular beneath Hyungwon, who is smaller, with slim curves and long legs. Hyunwoo holds the slim waist that he’s so used to holding from behind, pulling him closer. Hyungwon has both hands at the top of Hyunwoo’s neck, thumbs caressing his jaw. This is a completely different experience to what they’ve done before. It’s possibly better—they aren’t even fucking. Well, yet, because Hyungwon begins to move his hips rhythmically, causing a whole lot of blood to rush down to Hyunwoo’s groin, his cock hardening much faster than before. Hyunwoo doesn’t want to do this here though.

With regret, he pushes Hyungwon’s chest up, their lips parting with a slick wet sound that shouldn’t make Hyunwoo as turned on as it does. “Wait.” he breathes.

Hyungwon looks at him with a disappointed and hungry look in his eyes. “What?” he whines, leaning back in to leave sloppy kisses with a hint of teeth along Hyunwoo’s jaw, thrusting his hips down.

Hyunwoo stifles a moan. God, Hyungwon is going to be the death of him, isn’t he? He gathers as much coherency as he can and whispers, “Not here, baby.” Before gently pushing him off again. He sits up and laces their fingers together, pulling him up. He leads them to the passage and into Hyungwon’s familiar room, which he’s been in so many times that he finds it easily despite the darkness. His heart is beating so fast, but he feels surprisingly calm. He can’t really focus on anything right now other than their joined hands and his overwhelming anticipation for more.

They approach the bed and Hyungwon climbs on, pulling Hyunwoo down on top of him, and he goes willingly, holding himself above Hyungwon, a hand on either side of his head digging into the mattress. Hyungwon pulls their lips together again, slower this time. And Hyunwoo’s glad – he wants to do this differently to what they’ve done before. He’s usually rough and fast with Hyungwon, practically fucking him like a fucktoy, almost always making him tear up from coming so hard. But that’s because he knows Hyungwon loves it like that. But it feels like an unspoken agreement right now, to go slow and gentle, to savour this moment and truly appreciate each other.

Hyungwon nibbles on Hyunwoo’s bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth, drawing a moan from him that he can't control. They simply kiss, slow and steady for a few minutes, until they run out of breath. Hyunwoo pulls off slowly and runs his fingers down the column of Hyungwon’s throat with fascination, as if he’s only now realizing how enchanting Hyungwon is. He leans down and presses a kiss to his collar bone, takes a second to suck a dark bruise onto the thin, pale skin there. He then moves up his neck, pressing soft, continuous kisses into it, listening to the unsteady breathing coming from Hyungwon. He reaches Hyungwon’s ear and he gently bites on his earlobe, making him shiver, and then kisses his way back across his cheek, stopping at the corner of his mouth.

“Off,” he whispers against him, pulling up at the hem of Hyungwon’s black t-shirt.

Hyungwon kisses him on the mouth one more time before sitting up and letting Hyunwoo pull the shirt over his head, and in turn he slides Hyunwoo’s already unbuttoned shirt off his arms. Then he undoes Hyunwoo’s zipper, urging him to take his jeans off. So Hyunwoo slips his sneakers off and his socks and Hyungwon lies back down to watch him as he begins to remove his jeans and pants. He gets back on top of Hyungwon, kissing and licking down his soft chest, over his simultaneously muscled and soft stomach.

When he reaches the top of Hyungwon’s trousers he bites the corner of the denim, pulling it over so the button pops off and then upwards so that it unzips itself. Hyungwon is squirming and even giggling, but clearly trying to refrain from moving too much. Hyunwoo smiles and kisses the soft skin above the line of his briefs, bringing his hands up to tug down the jeans. He sits up to slide Hyungwon’s shoes off and then pull his trousers completely down, throwing them in a direction he won’t remember tomorrow.

He kisses Hyungwon’s thighs softly as Hyungwon reaches into his bedside drawer, digging out a bottle of lube and nothing else.

Hyunwoo gives him a questioning look.

“I always used a condom with Hoseok. And I haven’t been sleeping with anyone else but you, so.” He pauses. “Unless, you want to then—,”

“Me too,” Hyunwoo whispers, pressing a kiss to his knee and taking the bottle. "I only wanted you." He pulls Hyungwon’s briefs off, squeezes out some lube on his fingers and parts his lanky legs. He strokes his way up his smooth thighs, making him itch with anticipation.

He opens him up slowly and gently, eliciting gasps and other wonderful sounds from the younger boy, making him press his head back into the pillow. One, two, three long fingers, stretching him open, knowing exactly what to do, where to touch and how Hyungwon likes it.

“Fuck, you look so good like this,” he tells him, curling his fingers inside him and watching him react.

“Hyung. Wanna feel you,” Hyungwon moans, “Missed your cock. Please.”

Hyunwoo rushes up to capture Hyungwon’s lips in his own, sliding them together messily. He presses their foreheads together, strokes Hyungwon’s neck, slightly damp. “Wanna watch you when I’m inside you, okay? I’m gonna go slow, yeah?”

Hyungwon just nods, breathless. He bites his lip and wriggles a bit under Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo can feel his hard on against his thigh and leans back to kneel between his legs. He strokes Hyungwon’s cock a few times, already leaking with pre-come. He then grabs the bottle again and slicks up his own throbbing length and lines himself up with Hyungwon’s entrance.

Slowly and carefully, he pushes in, and at Hyungwon’s nod, slides as far in as he can. He needs to kiss Hyungwon again—now that he actually can—so he does, licking into his mouth and they pant hotly against each other while Hyungwon adjusts to the stretch. It’s been a while, and Hoseok wasn’t as large as Hyunwoo, wasn’t as good either. Hyungwon wraps his legs around Hyunwoo, pulling them impossibly closer and whispers hoarsely in his ear, “Please fucking move.”

Holding Hyungwon at his sides, he pulls slightly out of him and slowly pushes back in, dragging out the pleasure that erupts in both of them. He keeps the pace, lazily thrusting further in and out, and sucking bruises into Hyungwon’s chest and collarbones, licking them better.

“Missed this,” he whispers into Hyungwon’s neck. “Missed you.”

Hyungwon breathes out shakily. “I really missed you too. Sorry I took so long to come back to you.” He gasps from a deep thrust. “I. Uh, yes, sorry.”

Hyungwon holds onto Hyunwoo’s back, nails not digging into him this time. He just runs his hands up and down, feeling Hyunwoo’s back muscles rippling beneath him. Hyunwoo peppers kisses all over Hyungwon’s chest and shoulders and neck. They’ve never done this—taking the time to properly explore each other’s bodies, appreciating all the details.

It feels nice. Amazing really. It just feels like so much more than sex. The kissing adds a whole level of intimacy that they were missing. The soft touches and caresses are new for Hyunwoo and he can’t believe he’s made it this long without them. Making love to Hyungwon was everything he never knew he needed.

The fact that this is happening with Hyungwon is, in itself, amazing. Hyungwon, who Hyunwoo’s been quietly losing his mind over for the past 4 weeks, probably much longer, is here underneath him, wrapped around him, glowing and beautiful. Hyunwoo’s finally doing what he’s fantasized about for way too long.  

“You’re so beautiful like this,” Hyunwoo says, voice low.

Hyungwon just looks into Hyunwoo’s eyes and brings their mouths together, kissing him tenderly. He rakes his fingers through Hyunwoo’s hair, which he loves, and pulls gently on it, sending tingles down his spine.

He feels his orgasm building and he knows he’s close. He keeps going, feeling closer to Hyungwon than he’s felt with anyone, possibly ever.

He reaches down and strokes Hyungwon’s cock lazily before starting to build on his speed and thrust deeper into him. He begins to thrust into Hyungwon harder and more intensely, making him hold on tighter as they move together. They’re both panting as their movements speed up and Hyunwoo feels Hyungwon tense up and knows he’s about to come. Hyungwon searches for his other hand and interlaces their fingers.

“Hyung, I,” he gets out before shuddering and crying out “Hyunwoo” again and again, spilling between them.

Hearing Hyungwon say his name like that is what pushes Hyunwoo over the edge and he comes deep inside Hyungwon, an explosion of sensation and pleasure spreading within and then he’s overcome by total relaxation. He lets out a heaving breath and goes limp, resting his head on Hyungwon’s chest.

Hyungwon lays beneath him, facing the ceiling and breathing deeply, combing one hand through Hyunwoo’s hair and the other one lightly stroking his spine. They lie like that for a while, Hyunwoo still inside Hyungwon, unmoving, catching their breath back. It’s nice. It’s lovely. Hyungwon brushes Hyunwoo’s sweaty fringe off his brow and kisses his forehead, leaving his lips there. Hyunwoo’s eyes flutter closed and he gently rubs Hyungwon’s torso with his thumb.

Eventually, with a sigh, Hyunwoo pulls out and goes to the bathroom, returning with a damp cloth. He cleans his chest and stomach and then wipes a lazy Hyungwon down wherever he’s dirty. Hyungwon watches him with a lazy and sincere smile. When Hyunwoo catches his eye he can’t help but let a smile of his own spread across his own face. He throws the cloth onto the nightstand and neatens the covers, getting underneath them with Hyungwon.

They look at each other for a few seconds, trying to wipe the stupid grins off their faces and failing miserably. Hyunwoo takes Hyungwon’s hand and pulls him close, kissing his parted lips. It’s a light and sweet kiss, and it makes Hyunwoo’s heart feel like it’s thumping so hard, but he doesn’t really care. He spends a few more moments pressing soft kisses around Hyungwon’s face, gentle touches of the lips, just lasting long enough to leave an impression of warmth. He kisses his cheeks, his nose, his jaw, his brow, his delicate eyelids, and one more time on his beautiful plump lips, for which Hyungwon returns the pressure.

They part with a sigh and Hyungwon turns around to press his back against Hyunwoo’s chest, tucking into him, keeping their hands interlaced.

Hyunwoo presses his lips to his shoulder. “So, I take it your ‘no kissing’ rule is out the window then?”

Hyungwon smacks his leg under the covers and Hyunwoo chuckles, snuggling Hyungwon closer under the arm he throws around him.

They lay there quietly, the weight of the night’s events, as well as the past couple of months, lifting and sending them into a peaceful slumber.

 

* * *

 

Early the next morning, Hyunwoo leaves Hyungwon asleep in his bed with a note saying “ _I have class. Sigh. Should be done by 11 and I’ll bring you breakfast if you want me to._ ” and makes his way to class, not worrying about not bringing his notebook. He has his phone to jot down notes anyways. He feels oddly energized so he decides to skip the café and makes it on time to his 8 o’ clock class, taking his usual seat next to Minhyuk and Kihyun.

“So, you ditched us again? So who’s the new guy?” Kihyun asks.

Hyunwoo looks at them both sheepishly, also mentally preparing himself for what he knows is coming. “I was with Hyungwon.”

Kihyun shakes his head disbelievingly, but a small knowing smile appears on his face. Right then Hyunwoo feels his phone vibrate. He ignores their exchanged smug faces to pull it out of his pocket and unlock. He sees that it’s a message:

_do u even have to ask? cant wait. hurry. miss u alrdy <3_

“Hyungwon? As in the Hyungwon?” Minhyuk asks, raising his eyebrows in utter shock, yet a large grin appeared once he knew he had done something right.

Hyunwoo, unable to keep the stupid smile growing wider and wider on his face, replies “Yeah Min, the one and only.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> hmu @nashaloof on tumblr or @punctualpizza on twitter i'm really awkward but i think i'm funny sometimes.... ok no i'm not funny HA following me won't actually do anything for u but i update whenever i'm writing or might b posting so YAP THAT okay thanks for reading this <33


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